A Humbled Heart of Thankfulness

It has been quite a long time since I have posted something. I have been so busy with school and life in general that I have not been able to post anything. While I am up here in the mountains away from so much, I get to think and just thank God for so much. So here goes a long post about something that God has been doing in my life.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that make us question God about “Why this is happening,” but most importantly thanking God for his grace and faithfulness. There have been some things going on in my life the past year or so that make me just want to get on my knees and thank God for being there for me. School went very well this year, making the honor roll with a 3.6 GPA and just making some life long friends. Those are just a couple of things that I have been thanking God for. But there is one most recent story that has me thanking God for his healing power. This story is going to be a very personal story but one that I feel the need to share.

A couple of months ago I went to my doctor for my usual female check-ups. She told me that she found a pea size mass in my right breast and that I should go see a surgeon after a few test. After hearing this I was so nervous because she was not sure what it was. I pretty much already knew that it wasn’t anything like cancer, but in the back of my mind the thought was still there. The chance that it was something bad was very slim, but news like that makes you think. For some people it takes getting bad news, to make them realize how precious life is.

Although I knew that the mass was probably nothing but a benign cyst, I still thought about life. I began to pray that God would heal me and that something good would come out of this situation. About 3 weeks after my appointment, I went to get my test done. I went feeling like I had a knot in my stomach. As I was changing, I just said a little prayer asking God to be with me and comfort me. After getting the ultrasound and a mammogram done, the radiologist found nothing. I thanked God for days for being with me that day. Even though the radiologist didn’t find anything that does not mean that something can’t show up later on, but as of right now I am clear of any cyst that might have been there.

Like I said earlier, I was praying that something good would come out of it and something did. It was not something physical or mental but spiritual. I came to trust God more than ever before. Sometimes it takes something like this to draw you closer to God. It really makes you rely on God and realize that He obviously has a plan for your life. I may never know that reason why God let this happen but all I can do is trust in Him. I have to trust that He knows what he is doing.

Yes that story is very personal, but it was something that I felt like I needed to share. I know that this was not an extreme story of a miraculous healing but it was something that was very important in my life. I might never know if anyone reads this and that is fine I don’t need too, but I just hope that this may come as encouragement to anyone who may come across it.

Hopefully, I will be able to post more while I am up here in the mountains. Until then, enjoy the 4^th of July and a big thank you to all the troops over seas right now fighting for our freedom!!

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

Proverbs 31 In A Different Light

As a woman, I live by one of the most popular chapters in the Bible, Proverbs 31, which is about being a virtuous woman. Now I know that in the Bible it actually says "wife" instead of "woman," but considering I am not married I changed it to woman. I feel like this chapter doesn't always apply to wives but to Godly women in general.

Recently God has really been placing that chapter on my heart. Tonight in a moment when I was about to break and almost felt useless, I started to read Proverbs 31. This time it was different. Different in the way that I understood it. I read this chapter as if it was describing me and who I am (or should be). Here is what I came up with:

I...

Am trustworthy

Am to do good not evil

Am hard working

Am strong

Am compassionate

Am fearless

Have honor and strength

Speak wisdom

Speak kindly

Am blessed

Will fear the Lord

Will praise Him in everything I do.

-Proverbs 31-

After I read all of these I realized that this is what it takes to be a Woman of God. It is not only going to church or reading the Bible or worshiping Him, but it is also in the way I live my life. It is the qualities of a Godly woman that I need to strive for.

Once I read all of these qualities again to myself I realized that I am a daughter of Christ and that I am so loved by Him. Even when I feel like no one else does or I don't belong, I know that He loves me because I read this and realize my worth. Not my worth in this world but my worth in Christ.

The Climb

We all have heard the song "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. I never realized how true that song is to life.

Life is a climb.

We start at the bottom and work our way to the top just to go back down again. The road to the top isn't always easy. We fall down, or trip, or even take a wrong turn, but no matter what has happened we keep pushing forward to the goal ahead of us or just the top of the mountain. My journey so far through nursing school hasn't always been easy, in fact it has been so hard sometimes, but one thing I have realized is that those struggles and trials just made me stronger. They made me more motivated to continue on this journey to the top of the mountain. No matter what happens to tear us down, make us fall or even keep us from reaching the top of the mountain, we need to keep pushing forward. Sometimes the climb takes us places that we never thought we would be, but are now.

Sometimes we need to work through the rough spots and keep going. We need to keep strong and never give up. We can't push the rough spots aside because it won't help us get to where we are going. It will just keep us from the top of the mountain.

So keep going, don't give up, keep strong, and rely on God.

Yay!! 8 weeks are over!!

Well I made it.... The 8 weeks of Foundations is over and there are some bittersweet emotions about it. I am happy because I am home and can take a little break but at the same time I am going to miss clinicals.

Looking back on the 8 weeks I have grown so much... not literally but in the way of study skills, confidence and maturity. At the beginning of it all I was not happy about having to go back and take this class over but now, I am so glad. I not only came out of the class with an A, but I experienced so many amazing things that will help me in the future. I was able to build and repair some relationships. I met some awesome nurses who I learned so much from.

I can't wait til next year (well more like 2 weeks haha) to see what I am going to experience, the things I am going to learn and the people I will meet. Only God knows what is going to happen and I am so excited to see what He shares with me during that time. I will keep updating this when I have time! Fall 2010 here I come!!

God's Plans

Once again... it has been too long!!

The past week has been crazy and the next 2 weeks of class are going to be pretty much CRAZIER! This opportunity that I was given to come back and take this class has been awesome! I have one more week of clinicals and I will be sad to not have anymore for about 4 weeks.

Yesterday was an incredible day and special day. We got to the hospital and got on to our floor just in time for a patient to go into code. For all you non-medical people out there, a code is usually when someone goes unconscious and CPR and whatever else is needed. My teacher gave me the opportunity to watch it all go on. I watched as probably 20 doctors, nurses, techs, respiratory therapist, and hematologist swarmed the room. I watched as they did CPR and tried to bring the patient back. As I watched, I just prayed. My teacher came back and was talking to me a little. She told me that she felt that God was telling her that I needed to see that. She told me that she felt that God was telling her that I would work in ICU or ER. She later told me that she was feeling ER. This was not the first time that I had been told that I would work in ER. Family and close medical profession friends have told me that too. In a way it is a little nerve wrecking only because the thought of me being in ER and having people's lives on the line and it is up to me to save them is pretty big.

God knows what he is doing. It has taken coming back to take a class over again to realize that, to quote the song, God has the world in his hands. He has our lives in his hands. He has our future in his hands. He knows what he is doing, we just need to trust in him. I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I was not given the opportunity to come back or to retake this class. I would not have been able to help the people I did, or meet the people I did. I would not have been able to shadow some of the best nurses I have met here. I would not have been able to see and experience so many things. I just thank God that he opened this door up for me. I truly believe the quote by Alexander Graham Bell,

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

We just need to ask God to open a new door when another one closes because you never know what will happen....

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:7

God's Will?

It has been a little while since I posted something... sorry! I have been so busy plus I wasn't sure what to say but something came up which made me think.

Many times we pray when we need something or are in a sticky situation. Majority of the time when that happens we ask for God's will to be done. But do we really mean that?

I know that I have ask for God's will to be done in some situations in my life. Sometimes the result that I get from praying that is not always what I want but realize that it might have been God's will. There are many times that we say we want to do God's will but then when God's will happens, we aren't happy cause it isn't how we want it. If we really mean it when we say "God's will," then we need to learn to be happy with whatever happens.

No regrets...

This post is probably going to be 2 rolled into 1...

There is a quote that I love... "Never ever regret something that once made you smile".

It has taken me 2 years to stop regretting certain things and certain relationships. Sometimes we need to look at the positives instead of the negatives or the results. The past few days I have been thinking about a particular relationship that ended badly. There are so many reasons for me to regret that relationship but the past few days I have been thinking about the positives and realized that I need to think about that. I realized how much fun I really had with that person. It wasn't just the actual relationship with that person that I missed, but it was also the friendship. I truly felt that I could talk to them about anything and he would just listen. He always made me laugh and smile. I have tried to rekindle that relationship and so far it has been a fail. I'm going to keep trying because I realized something else (this is where my other post comes in).

Tonight sitting down I was reading through some past notes and it hit me. I was wrong and jumping to conclusions. I feel so bad. I really would like to make things right but I have tried everything I know right now. I feel like I have a knot in my stomach because all the comments took me back to when we were together and what awesome times we had. I just wish I could rewind time and change things. I know that I can't do that, but I do know that I can do everything NOW to make things right. I am trying to do that and if I am given the opportunity I would love to talk things out and fix things. I just want to make everything the way it was before or at least try to.

Just remember to not regret anything.... especially if it once made you happy or smile.